Adoption Bookshelf: general adoption parenting

Showing posts with label general adoption parenting. Show all posts

Links That Are Worth Your Time

Once again, links to random adoption-related blog posts and websites that have caught my attention lately. I don't know any of these folks, but they're definitely all engaging in some interesting conversations!

Worthwhile Discussion

--Anita at Banku, Pho, and Fried Spiders posted a thoughtful discussion about handling gender identity issues in young children. (Apparently, Dr. Phil weighed in on this same subject during his television show sometime this week.)

--Spontaneous Delight wrote a lovely tribute to her son, "Raising a Super Hero."

Worthy Cause

--Earlier this week, I'm "Ghana" Adopt posted a very moving account of a 15-year-old Russian boy named Misha and the family that is trying to raise funds to adopt him. Here is part of that story:

"I received an email from a friend a few days ago, letting me know about a young orphan boy who needs our help. I know ... there are hundreds of thousands of orphans who need our help ... but, this story touched me deeply.

Misha is a 15 year old from Russia. Several weeks ago he was flown to the U.S. for life-changing surgery ... the amputation of both legs. Misha was born with a severe deformity of his legs and arms. In Russia, it is known as the 'throw-away' disease. Despite the deformities, Misha is a very well-adjusted and intelligent young man, with much hope for the future.

A wonderful, large, homeschooling family on the East Coast welcomed Misha into their home for the surgery, and immediately fell so in love with him that it was determined that he should become part of their forever family. However ... next May Misha will turn 16 ... an age where he is no longer able to be adopted into the U.S. ... also an age where he will be turned out of his orphanage in Russia, and moved to an insane asylum. Seriously ... this boy is not insane, but he will be 'thrown away'.

This wonderful family believes with all their heart that Misha is to become their son. However, they have no idea how the Lord will raise up the $27,000 needed in the next few months. The funds must be raised before February, so that the adoption can be completed before Misha's birthday in May.

I hope you will visit their family blog http://helpmisha.blogspot.com to find out how you can best support this precious family, and Misha. As Melissa, the mom, says ... 'If 2,700 people donated just $10, the money would be raised.'"

For more information about Misha or to contribute to this family, please visit their blog.

Also, to learn more about International Guardian Angels Outreach (IGAO) and their Project HOPE program (the program that brought Misha to the U.S. for surgery), please visit their website. There are many opportunities to volunteer, including sponsoring a child or serving as a foster family for a child who's receiving medical treatment.

Tips Worth Their Weight in Gold

--Rachel at Instantly Mama offers great ideas for entertaining a toddler on the cheap.

--Brandi at LivingFreely describes a free, fun outing for kids that I've never thought of--picnic at the airport! Read about her original idea here.

--My own personal tip for sourcing inexpensive, kid-friendly ideas: subscribe to Family Fun magazine.

Right now you may be wondering, So where does the inexpensive part come in?! I can't afford a magazine subscription! True, but while Family Fun is normally $10 for a 10-issue subscription (not too bad), I found an even better deal. There's a person on ioffer.com who sells discount Family Fun subscriptions for only $1.49.

Yep--that's a whole year's subscription--all costs included, no strings attached--for $1.49.

And even though this deal seems too good to be true, I think it's really true! Or at least it's worked for me so far. I subscribed a few months ago and have been receiving Family Fun (and Wonder Time, which I bought for $2.89/year) with no problems thus far. Plus, I used PayPal, so there's no way to add extra charges to my credit card. All in all, a great deal.

And Finally, A Picture Worth A Thousand Words...

Have a beary happy Halloween!

(Hehe...terrible pun but it was irresistible!) And for more mind-blowing pumpkin carvings to get you in the spooky spirit, visit PumpkinGutter.com.

Odds and Ends

Various links I've been reading lately...

TIME published an article about the surprising statistics of adoption in the U.S. Would you have guessed the following?

— Minority women are trying to adopt at a higher rate than white women.
— Only 1% of single women put their babies up for adoption.
— Men adopt at twice the rate women do, but most of those are adopting their stepchildren.

Rainbow Kids has a new article by Dawn Davenport (of Creating A Family) about what to do "if your family doesn't share your excitement about your adoption plans." For prospective adoptive parents seeking advice about how to negotiate dicey family situations, check out "The Reluctant Family: Helping Your Family Find Joy In The Adoption Of Your Child."

Also, if you haven't already checked it out, Dawn's website offers (among many other helpful resources!) a weekly one-hour radio broadcast about adoption-related issues. The September 3rd program (called "The Connected Child") looks particularly intriguing, as it's an interview with Dr. Karyn Purvis, director of T he Institute of Child Development at Texas Christian University and author of the book, The Connected Child (which is in my stack of books that I will one day get around to reviewing!).

And checking out TCU's Institute of Child Development, I noticed their site has many free, downloadable articles about adoptive and foster parenting. Three cheers for free stuff!

And now for something completely superfluous...apparently, the 90s' teen drama, Beverly Hills 90210, has been resurrected (yet another one of the old-school shows kicked back to life by the creativity-starved television industry. I mean, seriously, do we really another go-round of 90210?!). Perhaps the only bright spot in this sucky TV revival trend is that the new 90210 supposedly features a "transracial adoption storyline." Of course, it is 90210, so I doubt that Emmy-worthy thoughtfulness awaits viewers on the horizon. But a girl can hope! Anyone actually watched this yet? Is the transracial adoption storyline actually well-done? Now, I'm curious...but not curious enough to watch it myself! ;)

Book Review #01 - Real Parents, Real Children: Parenting The Adopted Child

Welcome to my first adoption book review!

Yeah, I know it's only taken me an eternity or two to finally start posting reviews (so much for my grand plans for daily posts!). But we just started our adoption process, so I'm a bit preoccupied with all the accompanying tasks. (Paperwork, anyone?)

Anyway, seeing as this is my first review and all, the format is still fluid. I tried to write it in two basic parts. The first part (what I'll call the "quick and dirty" review) hits a few major points about the book: its general approach, the ideal audience, and the best and worst points of the book. If you want just a brief impression of the book, stop reading the review at that point.

However, if you'd like to know even more about the book, you can read the second part of the review: the detailed content description. That's where I describe the specifics of the book, chapter by chapter. I also include links to other reviews of the book. Still, I tried to refrain from cramming too much info into this section (while fighting the English major part of me that kept trying to add an extra paragraph or two!).

Ultimately, my goal in reviewing books is not so much to tell you whether or not I like the book (though I'm sure a bit of that seeps in!), but to give you enough information to determine whether you'll want to buy the book and read it yourself. Did I succeed? You'll just have to read the review yourself...and then comment and let me know!

And now, on to the book review!

Book Review #01 - Real Parents, Real Children: Parenting The Adopted Child

AUTHORS: Holly Van Gulden (adoption counselor) and Lisa M. Bartels-Rabb (writer, editor)

YEAR: originally published in 1993 but continues to be reprinted, although there's not an updated edition

LENGTH: 279 pages

PRICE: $13.57 for a new copy at Amazon; used copies start at approximately $4.00. However, I found a copy in great condition at Half-Price Books for $1.00, so you may be able to find a cheap copy at a local used bookstore.

APPROACH: A relatively brief yet comprehensive look at the process of adoption parenting. On the cover, one blurb describes the book as "the 'Dr. Spock' of raising adopted children," and that's a pretty accurate description. Don't expect a super-detailed look at any single aspect of adoption parenting, but do expect a very good (and surprisingly broad) view of adoption parenting in general. Matter-of-fact and fairly clinical, this book aims at informing the reader, not entertaining, so if you're looking for funny anecdotes, look elsewhere. But for a primer on adoptive parenting, Real Parents, Real Children is an excellent choice.

IDEAL AUDIENCE: Because the approach of the book is a far-reaching one, the audience is correspondingly broad. I think pretty much any adoptive parent--whether domestic or international, infant or older child adoption--could glean some useful knowledge from this book. The question is--how much? I could see a well-read, experienced adoptive parent thinking some of this information was old hat. But for most adoptive parents, especially first-timers, Real Children seems like a perfect starting point for building an adoption bookshelf.

BEST POINTS: The structure. Broken down chronologically, the book covers everything from pre-adoption issues to adult adoptees. Thus, you can easily skip forward or backward to whatever chapter best relates to your own adoption situation. Also, the end of almost every chapter includes a "For Further Reading Section" that recommends other books and articles pertaining to that chapter's subject matter--very helpful if you want to dive deeper into a particular issue that was discussed. And at the ends of a couple chapters ("The Preschool Years" and "Middle Childhood"), special sections are devoted to more detailed info about interracial and international adoptions.

And the tables and charts really add to the book, as well. While there aren't a ton of them, what ones are there are very helpful. For example, Figure 6.1 ("Medical And Family History Work Sheet") covers essential information you should ask former caretakers about your child's history. At 4 pages, this worksheet seems to strike the perfect balance between "must know" medical questions and little details that your child might someday wonder about (and that I, at least, would probably forget to ask!). Other notable figures are Table 7.1, "Cycles of Equilibrium and Disequilibrium in Childhood" and Table 9.1, "Signs of Healthy Bonding and Attachment."

NOT-AS-GOOD POINTS: My biggest beef with this book is something that it can't help: it's old! Written in 1993, Real Children has not been revised and updated since then. Thus, not only the book's material itself, but also all the recommended readings and bibliographic entries in the book predate 1993. Although much of the information presented still seems pertinent and usable, it's obviously not the freshest take on child development.

(Thus ends the "quick and dirty" review. Keep reading for the more detailed description.)

DETAILED CONTENT DESCRIPTION: Overall, there are two major sections to the book. The first six chapters (approximately the first 100 pages of the book) make up Section One. Section One explores the basic issues surrounding adoption, from general discussions of adoptive parenting (Ch. 1, "Parenting Is Parenting--Or Is It?") to meatier takes on the big issues adoptive parents will necessarily confront (Ch. 2, "Bonding: The Love Question"; Ch. 3, "Grief and Loss"; Ch. 4, "Identity and the Adopted Child"). Chapter 5 includes advice for parents on how to cope with their own stresses throughout the adoption process ("Pregnancy Without A Due Date: Preplacement and Postplacement Stress"). And finally, Chapter 6 ("On Moving Children") talks about how to make the child's move into your home as smooth as possible. Throughout all the chapters, the authors make a point of addressing both domestic and international adoptions, as well as adoptees of varying ages.

Section Two of Real Children focuses more on post-adoption matters, what to expect once you've (finally!) gotten your child home for good. The underlying theoretical basis for Section Two is outlined in Chapter 7 ("Growing Up Adopted: The Developing Child") with a basic discussion of child development theory. Essentially, the authors contend that an understanding of the various stages kids go through (and what emotions, behaviors, and attitudes typically accompany those stages) is the best starting point for adoptive parenting. Knowing what to expect helps parents both evaluate their child's current behavior (e.g., Is my child consciously misbehaving, or is this just age-appropriate behavior?) and anticipate future behaviors (e.g., As my child understands more about the facts of her adoption, how might she respond?).

This understanding is then carried over into each major growth period of the child's life. Chapters 8-12 each address a specific time in the life of your child: "Early Infancy: The First Six Months" (Chapter 8); "The Older Infant--Separation and Individuation: Six to Thirty-six Months" (Chapter 9); "The Preschool Years: Three to Five Years" (Chapter 10); "Middle Childhood: Six to Ten Years"(Chapter 11); and "Adolescence: Eleven to Eighteen Years" (Chapter 12).

As you might have noticed, some of these chapters cover pretty long swaths of time (in particular the single chapter that covers all of the teenage years). But each chapter is further broken down into more precise age brackets (which I will refrain from listing here, lest this review turn into one gigantic list!). These more age-specific sections include discussions of the family life cycle during that specific period of time; what to expect if your child was moved during that time; issues that may arise; and what you can do if that period of time does not go well for your child. To me, this age-specific part of the book stood out as the most insightful. As I flipped back through Real Children while writing this review, I noticed that almost all of the passages I'd marked to reread later were in these chapters.

The final three chapters of the book are not so neatly categorized. In fact, they feel (unfortunately) like the "leftovers" of the book, ideas that the authors wanted to discuss but never fully fleshed out. Chapter 13 ("School and the Adopted Child") is the best of these chapters, though it presumes that your child will be placed in a traditional public or private school environment (homeschooling or other schooling alternatives are not addressed). Choosing the right school, negotiating difficult school projects like family trees, and dealing with possible learning disabilities are all very briefly touched on--and that's about all that's touched on. Strangely, other major issues like the social aspects of schooling (making friends, "fitting in," cliques, etc.) go unaddressed in this chapter. So while I applaud the authors for considering the issue of schooling, I was left wanting more information.

And I was left wanting even more by the following chapter, Chapter 14 ("Adoption Issues in Adulthood"). This chapter checks in at a measly 4 and a half pages. Now, I know this book focuses on "real children" and all, but those children eventually grow into adults--often with important identity issues intricately tied to their adoptions. If this book is ever updated to a new edition, I would love to see more information added to this chapter.

Chapter 15 ("On Being Family") feels more like an epilogue than anything, a few pages summarizing the general gist of the book; though it includes a section on "Choosing Your Child" that seems like it would've fit much better at the very start of the book.

Nevertheless, despite the lackluster impression left by the last three chapters of this book, the vast majority of Real Parents, Real Children packs masses of helpful information into a quite readable package. Overall, an excellent resource for general adoption parenting.

OTHER REVIEWS: So you haven't read enough yet?! Wanna know what other folks think about this book? Linked below are various reviews of Real Parents, Real Children.

• http://adoption.families.com/blog/book-review-real-parents-real-children

• http://www.epinions.com/content_22319107716 (this review discusses Section One of the book in great depth and very thoughtfully)

• http://kinsrn.wordpress.com/2007/09/28/book-review/