Welcome to my first adoption book review!

AUTHORS: Holly Van Gulden (adoption counselor) and Lisa M. Bartels-Rabb (writer, editor)

YEAR: originally published in 1993 but continues to be reprinted, although there's not an updated edition

LENGTH: 279 pages

PRICE: $13.57 for a new copy at Amazon; used copies start at approximately $4.00. However, I found a copy in great condition at Half-Price Books for $1.00, so you may be able to find a cheap copy at a local used bookstore.

APPROACH: A relatively brief yet comprehensive look at the process of adoption parenting. On the cover, one blurb describes the book as "the 'Dr. Spock' of raising adopted children," and that's a pretty accurate description. Don't expect a super-detailed look at any single aspect of adoption parenting, but do expect a very good (and surprisingly broad) view of adoption parenting in general. Matter-of-fact and fairly clinical, this book aims at informing the reader, not entertaining, so if you're looking for funny anecdotes, look elsewhere. But for a primer on adoptive parenting, Real Parents, Real Children is an excellent choice.

IDEAL AUDIENCE: Because the approach of the book is a far-reaching one, the audience is correspondingly broad. I think pretty much any adoptive parent--whether domestic or international, infant or older child adoption--could glean some useful knowledge from this book. The question is--how much? I could see a well-read, experienced adoptive parent thinking some of this information was old hat. But for most adoptive parents, especially first-timers, Real Children seems like a perfect starting point for building an adoption bookshelf. 

BEST POINTS: The structure. Broken down chronologically, the book covers everything from pre-adoption issues to adult adoptees. Thus, you can easily skip forward or backward to whatever chapter best relates to your own adoption situation. Also, the end of almost every chapter includes a "For Further Reading Section" that recommends other books and articles pertaining to that chapter's subject matter--very helpful if you want to dive deeper into a particular issue that was discussed. And at the ends of a couple chapters ("The Preschool Years" and "Middle Childhood"), special sections are devoted to more detailed info about interracial and international adoptions.

And the tables and charts really add to the book, as well. While there aren't a ton of them, what ones are there are very helpful. For example, Figure 6.1 ("Medical And Family History Work Sheet") covers essential information you should ask former caretakers about your child's history. At 4 pages, this worksheet seems to strike the perfect balance between "must know" medical questions and little details that your child might someday wonder about (and that I, at least, would probably forget to ask!). Other notable figures are Table 7.1, "Cycles of Equilibrium and Disequilibrium in Childhood" and Table 9.1, "Signs of Healthy Bonding and Attachment."

NOT-AS-GOOD POINTS: My biggest beef with this book is something that it can't help: it's old! Written in 1993, Real Children has not been revised and updated since then. Thus, not only the book's material itself, but also all the recommended readings and bibliographic entries in the book predate 1993. Although much of the information presented still seems pertinent and usable, it's obviously not the freshest take on child development.

DETAILED CONTENT DESCRIPTION: Overall, there are two major sections to the book. The first six chapters (approximately the first 100 pages of the book) make up Section One. Section One explores the basic issues surrounding adoption, from general discussions of adoptive parenting (Ch. 1, "Parenting Is Parenting--Or Is It?") to meatier takes on the big issues adoptive parents will necessarily confront (Ch. 2, "Bonding: The Love Question"; Ch. 3, "Grief and Loss"; Ch. 4, "Identity and the Adopted Child"). Chapter 5 includes advice for parents on how to cope with their own stresses throughout the adoption process ("Pregnancy Without A Due Date: Preplacement and Postplacement Stress"). And finally, Chapter 6 ("On Moving Children") talks about how to make the child's move into your home as smooth as possible. Throughout all the chapters, the authors make a point of addressing both domestic and international adoptions, as well as adoptees of varying ages.

Section Two of Real Children focuses more on post-adoption matters, what to expect once you've (finally!) gotten your child home for good. The underlying theoretical basis for Section Two is outlined in Chapter 7 ("Growing Up Adopted: The Developing Child") with a basic discussion of child development theory. Essentially, the authors contend that an understanding of the various stages kids go through (and what emotions, behaviors, and attitudes typically accompany those stages) is the best starting point for adoptive parenting. Knowing what to expect helps parents both evaluate their child's current behavior (e.g., Is my child consciously misbehaving, or is this just age-appropriate behavior?) and anticipate future behaviors (e.g., As my child understands more about the facts of her adoption, how might she respond?). 

This understanding is then carried over into each major growth period of the child's life. Chapters 8-12 each address a specific time in the life of your child: "Early Infancy: The First Six Months" (Chapter 8); "The Older Infant--Separation and Individuation: Six to Thirty-six Months" (Chapter 9); "The Preschool Years: Three to Five Years" (Chapter 10); "Middle Childhood: Six to Ten Years"(Chapter 11); and "Adolescence: Eleven to Eighteen Years" (Chapter 12). 

As you might have noticed, some of these chapters cover pretty long swaths of time (in particular the single chapter that covers all of the teenage years). But each chapter is further broken down into more precise age brackets (which I will refrain from listing here, lest this review turn into one gigantic list!). These more age-specific sections include discussions of the family life cycle during that specific period of time; what to expect if your child was moved during that time; issues that may arise; and what you can do if that period of time does not go well for your child. To me, this age-specific part of the book stood out as the most insightful. As I flipped back through Real Children while writing this review, I noticed that almost all of the passages I'd marked to reread later were in these chapters. 

The final three chapters of the book are not so neatly categorized. In fact, they feel (unfortunately) like the "leftovers" of the book, ideas that the authors wanted to discuss but never fully fleshed out. Chapter 13 ("School and the Adopted Child") is the best of these chapters, though it presumes that your child will be placed in a traditional public or private school environment (homeschooling or other schooling alternatives are not addressed). Choosing the right school, negotiating difficult school projects like family trees, and dealing with possible learning disabilities are all very briefly touched on--and that's about all that's touched on. Strangely, other major issues like the social aspects of schooling (making friends, "fitting in," cliques, etc.) go unaddressed in this chapter. So while I applaud the authors for considering the issue of schooling, I was left wanting more information.

And I was left wanting even more by the following chapter, Chapter 14 ("Adoption Issues in Adulthood").  This chapter checks in at a measly 4 and a half pages. Now, I know this book focuses on "real children" and all, but those children eventually grow into adults--often with important identity issues intricately tied to their adoptions. If this book is ever updated to a new edition, I would love to see more information added to this chapter.

Chapter 15 ("On Being Family") feels more like an epilogue than anything, a few pages summarizing the general gist of the book; though it includes a section on "Choosing Your Child" that seems like it would've fit much better at the very start of the book. 

Nevertheless, despite the lackluster impression left by the last three chapters of this book, the vast majority of Real Parents, Real Children packs masses of helpful information into a quite readable package. Overall, an excellent resource for general adoption parenting.

OTHER REVIEWS: So you haven't read enough yet?! Wanna know what other folks think about this book? Linked below are various reviews of Real Parents, Real Children.

• http://adoption.families.com/blog/book-review-real-parents-real-children

• http://www.epinions.com/content_22319107716 (this review discusses Section One of the book in great depth and very thoughtfully)

• http://kinsrn.wordpress.com/2007/09/28/book-review/